I feel as though my last blog didn’t touch on everything I wanted to, therefore I am going to go into more detail.

So in the last blog, I talked about how we returned home to Paraburdoo. We had changed so much in those short weeks in Perth. We had gone from two girls living in a small town expecting a baby, to now two girls who had lost a baby living in a small town.

We had people asking us both how the pregnancy was going. Considering we lived in a small town where any made-up gossip could spread like wildfire – we were surprised that not everybody knew what had happened.

It’s not anybody’s fault that they didn’t know, and I am sure they were all being friendly when they asked how the pregnancy was going. I felt as though I was put in the situation more, and had to explain what had happened on numerous occasions. Thankfully for Amber, she only had to explain it a couple of times.

Each time was just as heartbreaking as the last to explain to some almost strangers.

We had a few people at the time both back at home in Perth and at home in Paraburdoo that were pregnant. Anyone who is reading this from Paraburdoo would know that there is always more than one pregnant person in town at a time! I think at the time we counted something like 7 people we knew personally who was pregnant and due around the same time as us in both Perth and Paraburdoo.

It was hard to be happy for those people. We could see their bellies growing and see them enjoying their journey into parenthood – most for their second or third time. At the same time though it was hard NOT to be happy for them. We had one person who also worked at close to us due a month or so earlier than us and we couldn’t help but be jealous and happy for her. She was one of those people who are so bubbly it’s infectious and it was exciting to see her be so excited about being pregnant with her boyfriends baby – Amber had also known her since childhood so that helped in not being so green with envy every time we saw her.

I also had a friend who was living in Perth and we had also shared the same due date. We were lucky to have her as a friend and helped me talk things out online when I needed to. When I see her now I look at her son who would be the same age as our child, I can’t help but think of what life could have been like if we had a child the same age and to see them running around playing together.

In the last blog, it sounded as though we had no support.

We did. Amber’s sisters were great to have nearby and we visited Nic in Tom Price a lot, just to get out of town. We also had some close friends that ended up coming around over time – I think age played a big part in it. Our two/three closest friends were younger and had lived in the country most of their life and had probably never had to deal with friends losing a baby before.

When we came back, I had volunteered to be a Teeball coach again. The previous season Amber and I had coached her niece’s Peewee team and so I figured I would also coach her nephew’s team that year. When we returned from Perth I had missed a few games. I got really annoyed when I would have no extra support from other parents of children I was coaching. Here I was giving up my Saturday morning to coach your kids, and you can’t even help out occasionally with throwing the ball around with your kids? I was beginning to feel as though I was an outsider. I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere anymore.

As I mentioned in my last blog, We had a run-in with my softball coach one day. My closest friends were in this team, I was feeling like an outsider especially more after this particular run-in. I felt as though there was no support and everyone had turned against me while we were gone. About 4 months after returning I remember one of the other young girls had revealed that she and her fiance were expecting. We were happy for her as she had said they had been trying for a little while. Two or so weeks later she let us know that she had miscarried. We felt horrible for her, At our team wind up that weekend we were sitting next to each other. Everyone was saying to her that they were sorry and hoped that it would soon happen for them. One girl in the team who had become more distant and borderline rude kneeled down near her and said that she was there for her and her partner and if they needed anything to let her know. I could not believe my ears! I had nothing! Barely sorry to hear about what happened, no support. I understood it wasn’t me carrying the baby, but even Amber felt she was barely supported, and we lost the baby at 14 weeks, not 2! And they wondered why she was drawn to other people in another team? It wasn’t to annoy them or be bitchy in a small town, it was really because we just really wanted to be with people who supported us.

It wasn’t until our Softball wind up that year that I had a couple of girls (maybe after a couple of drinks) who apologised for not being there for me. I really appreciated it and we all made up and were back on good terms. We had 3 very close friends from softball – one moved away before we did and the other two were definitely our best friends in Paraburdoo, I am glad for their friendship and even though we don’t see them regularly anymore, they will always be special to both Amber and me.

I felt as though work was putting a lot of pressure on me too.

They had practically a whole new committee who were running things, and they really had no idea what was involved in running a before and after school service. I really felt like I was going to explode. At that time I really started to hate living in a small town. I was having to prepare for Childcare Accreditation. Thankfully my previous boss from Perth helped me a little, I had never gone through it on my own before and was almost going to have a breakdown.

One day I had some ladies over from Karratha who worked for Childcare Australia. We were on good terms and they asked how I was going, I burst into tears. I explained I was working by myself, over holidays I found it hard to get the committee to help me and was lucky to get a lunch break in my 11 hour day and not to mention what was happening in my personal life. They helped me out and supported me a lot and prepared me a little for my accreditation visit.

I was given a written warning in one situation from the new committee. Not due to anything with the before and after school. It was in relation to the 3-year-old playgroup I was running. Again I felt this was a personal attack on me by a committee that didn’t like my sister-in-law (again – the joys of living in a small town) The funding for this program was from Childcare Australia and as I had missed some weeks when I was in Perth, I really wanted to make it up to the kids and parents. I couldn’t run the program during the school holidays as I had the holiday program to run. I can’t remember the details exactly but I ended up telling parents to make up for some of the lost time I would be holding it on a certain day. The people on the committee were not too happy about this and said I couldn’t do it. I ended up telling parents to meet me down in the park and I would read the kids a story and have some time together. I got a written warning for that. Small town stupid politics. I hated it here!

I had something to look forward to though, that softball competition at the end of September. Something away from Paraburdoo and something away from having to be at Amber’s surgery in Perth. When I returned from that weekend away though, everything had changed