Seducing your partner outside of the bedroom.

Think back to the last time you made love to your partner. Can you pinpoint the moment when the dance of seduction began? Try to think past the first kiss, past the sensual words whispered in her ear and even past the moment where flesh touched flesh. Seduction can begin as early as the first waking breath you both took when you awoke.

As we begin to get to know one another we store minute moments that reveal a truth about the other person. In the beginning, we pull from this bag of knowledge, but as the relationship continues we tend to store the information, allowing it to collect dust and lie dormant. And then, after years have passed, we find ourselves watching our partners as they lie in our arms sleeping and wonder where the excitement went. The lust and passion haven’t actually gone anywhere. It’s still buried deep down in your mind and all you have to do to rekindle the flame to remember.

People assume that because my life is surrounded by eroticism, adult sex toys, and the kink inclined, that my bedroom life is just as exciting every day. Honestly, because of what I have been exposed to, I have to constantly think of new escapades to keep the candle burning.

One night, as I watched my partner sleep, I found myself tracing her lips. I started to remember the first time I saw her and how she casually ran her tongue along the rim of them as we spoke. I never told her how that single moment pulled me in because I feared that it would no longer be just a random act but a ploy to suck me in every time. As I continued to watch her, I thought of that first time I saw her lick her lips. That gesture was just as powerful as her hand between my thighs and we could do it in public.

The respectable part of us can sometimes be concerned about public displays of affection, especially because of our same-sex preference.

No matter how liberated and assertive we are, our subconscious is still concerned about offending just one person. So when you are able to convey to your lover that you want them, or when you are able to stimulate your partner without anyone being the wiser, it seems to ignite the same flame you may have lost. Simple gestures, looks, or even a slight touch of a hand can seduce your mate far better than an elaborately planned rendezvous.

Next time you are out, trying whispering to your mate how much it turns you on when they drink a certain drink. While she is busy on her laptop working well into the night, walk over to her and move in close to her ear and lightly breathe on her lobe as if you were going to speak and then walk away. Buy her a single piece of her favourite candy and leave it where she can find it with a note telling her just where she can find more. Rent a beat-up old car and take her on a road trip to somewhere undetermined. Role-play in a bookstore or flirt with her in the grocery store. Pick her up from work in that favourite outfit that she secretly likes.

Do you want to know how to seduce your partner out of the bedroom?

Remember the reason why she fell for you in the first place. Seduction has nothing to do with stamina or expertise. It is simply providing that single thing that makes her heartbeat. The sexiest thing my partner ever did for me was buy me a notebook. It wasn’t because she knew I was a writer; it was because it showed me that she remembered a conversation I had with her months ago. None of my lovers had ever bought me a notebook knowing how passionate I am about writing. When I told her this she didn’t say much and only shook her head when I told her they were more prone to buying expensive gifts than providing me with the simple things. But that night, because she showed me that she remembered, we made love well into the next day.

There is no scientific theory here. You already possess everything you need to know. It’s not about folding her into some unnamed position or swinging from a pole. It is all about remembering the things that made her weak and not just the obvious things, but those little nuances that everyone else tends to overlook. Trust me, it works. I dare you to prove me wrong.