There are two issues I want to address in this post: sex and humourless lesbians.

I find that the better a dyke’s sense of humour, the better the sex. This is certainly the case with me and my girl. She’s a comedic playwright with a twisted sense of humour and I’m a total pervert with a wry and wild sense of humour. And, not only do we have a general sense of humour, but can also laugh about ourselves. I find mirthless lesbians pretty damn hard to take (and I am sure they are not easily taken, in any sense). We have fabulous sex, me and my gal; we laugh in bed (or wherever we happen to be getting it on) and generally have a great time all around.


I know dykes have been much maligned in the humour department, but many of the stereotypes and other myths about the legendary lesbian lack of humour are not unfounded. For example, many of my friends, both longstanding and especially newer friends are comedy writers, comedians, and other performers with humorous content. They like to laugh and make others laugh along with them. And they’re all trying to find an audience. “Who is our audience?” they ask. “Where are they and how in the hell do we find them?”

Well, there is no real answer to that. Lesbians, at least in New York City, just plain don’t come out to support other sisters’ comedy shows, plays, performances, readings. And what I mean by this is that while lovers, friends, family and the extended artsy/literary community support my friends and other artistic lesbian types, they are always preaching to the converted so to speak.

I am beginning to believe that we all should quit putting on shows, reading, performing, etc. because our earnest and humourless community generally refuse to support us. Women who will pay thousands of dollars for an Olivia Cruise, others who will spend several hundred dollars on a pair of shoes or designer jeans will not pay ten bucks to come out to support their talented artistic sisters.

Now, getting back to sex, I truly believe this crisis with lesbian humour is directly correlated with the crisis in the lesbian dating community. By this I mean the tiny pool of women truly available—in every way—to date and carry on healthy relationships, whether casual, committed or anywhere in between.

And I’m totally serious when I say that a lack of a sense of humour, particularly about oneself, is both a relationship killer and a community killer. There’s nothing worse than brunch with a bunch of seriously serious lesbians who can’t (or won’t) laugh about the follies, quirks and silly goings-on in our community—or their own foibles. I can just picture these same women lying listlessly side-by-side in bed, both stiff as planks of wood dreading the idea of sex or and simply going through the motions with no pleasure whatsoever. Likely they don’t even bother.

A friend of mine has written a great blog post about lesbian sex and how to play it safe both emotionally and physically. If you have any desire whatsoever to find out more about this topic, I urge you to read her post.

Please, go forth and enter laughing. Literally!