I find being taken for granted in a primary (or any) relationship and in turn, taking the other person for granted is a definite relationship killer.

This is why I love it so much that when my girlfriend calls me, leaves a voice message, or even sends an email, she identifies herself. She doesn’t say “It’s me” with an assumption that there is only one “me” in my life. There isn’t. She says, “Hi, this is XXXX.” She also signs her name on every email to me.

I have a lot of people in my life whom I value and they are all “mes.” They are also all individuals who have names and personalities and characters. It’s all about seeing and hearing and being seen and heard, which some people need more of than others. Many of us were not seen or heard by our families of origin or former girlfriends. This is the cause of many misunderstandings, kitchen sink fights, miscommunication and other related problems.

A former girlfriend of mine used to listen to the first two seconds of any voicemail I left and call me, “Hey you called me, what did you say?” Duh, I just left a message saying what I needed to say, listen to it! If didn’t feel heard because she did this all the time. She also would begin her messages, “Hey, it’s me…” That made me feel like was one of many (and I was…).

So, again I appreciate that my Gee Eff really knows how to communicate in a not passive-aggressive manner, in an I hear and see your kind of way, and also doesn’t check up on me.

We have a kind of code when we just want to hear the other person’s voice, or want to ask where they are or what they are doing: we call and say we are “partying in.” Yeah, it might be just different terminology, but if I hear the phrase “checking in” on the other end of a phone and my girlfriend is uttering that phrase, I will go crazy!

So, yeah, we all just need to think more carefully before we speak and choose words less recklessly. Words can sting and they can hurt. Words can also kill.