A queer guide to faux fellatio.

Flaux job: A faux blow job. Or the act of sucking a silicone dildo as if you were giving a flesh-and-blood ding-a-ling a blow job. For those versed in ahem – straight – forward fellatio, a flaux job can be hard to wrap your mind (or mouth) around. But the key to a great flaux job is exactly that – wrapping your mind around performing oral sex on an inanimate object that your partner cannot receive direct physical stimulation from.

Many might wonder “What’s the freaking point of sucking a strap-on dildo? What’s in it for me? Or my partner?”. But as a community who can often find their physical body parts to be incongruent with their gender(s) and/or the type of sex they’d like to have, the flaux job is a handy art to master. Oh, and when done right, it’s super hot.

Giving faux head is all about giving head. The brain is our biggest sex organ and it’s especially important to utilize during an FJ so you can balance the lack of physical stimulation with imagination. Both the giver and receiver need to be fully, mentally committed to a flaux job or it’s sure to flop.

Giver! The more outwardly you’re into it, the more your partner will feel it. Get theatrical – always mind your lighting and angles, maintain a clear line of sight for your partner (hello, mirrors!), and remember that you can never ever make enough sound effects. Hiding under that suffocating tent of blankets just isn’t going to cut it in flauxie land.

Make no divide in your mind between the silicone dildo sitting in front of you and a flesh-and-blood, sexually sensitive appendage. Sure, you don’t have to watch those teeth as diligently, but you also don’t want to sit there gnawing on it like an ear of corn. Bust out all your usual blow job tricks (if you’ve got ‘em) assuming that your partner can actually feel them. Just because the dildo doesn’t have nerve endings, doesn’t mean your partner won’t be sexually stimulated by the act. How many times have you been so mentally into a sex scenario that you get off quicker or harder to sex acts you might usually consider routine? Same idea.

To physically intensify a flaux job for the receiver, wrap your hand around the dildo to rub the base of it against your partner’s biological bits (bonus points if you sync this up with your mouth movements for extra realism). Pay attention to his/her/their whole body – claw those butt cheeks, bite those inner thighs, tongue those sexy bikini muscles…you get my drift.

And deep-throating? Still impressive.

Amp things up with some choice sexcessories – slip on a minty condom, slather on the flavoured lube (Sliquid Swirls, ) or use a vibrating ring to send your sweetie subtle shivers (Heavenly Heart Vibrating Ring, goodvibes.com). Outfit your lucky receiving partner with a comfortable, brief-style harness like the SpareParts Joque Harness (myspare.com) that comes equipped with a vibrator pocket for the harness-wearer.

The receiver can better prep for your flaux job by doing whatever makes them feel connected to the toy strapped to their body. Vixen’s realistic dual-density dildos feel real, look real and hey, some even have balls to fondle! (vixencreations.com) Fiddling with harness straps isn’t always the most seamless foreplay. Though wearing a fully erect dildo in your pants all day can just be plain immodest, excusing yourself to the gender-neutral bathroom to get outfitted before your FJ can go a long way.

Finally, I’ll leave you with the same piece of advice for flaux jobs that I give about blow jobs: Like truly enjoying a juicy slice of watermelon, giving good head isn’t a dainty affair. You LOVE watermelon. And you don’t give a rat’s ass whether or not there are any napkins available.