The good news? It’s getting better.

“I’m a bisexual femme and I know many lesbians have issues with bi-women, but I’m proud of who I am and so were many of my lovers. However, it’s still very frustrating when I repeatedly explain my identity to women who think I need to choose a side, or I’m not really a lesbian. Do you have any advice?”

Proud Bisexual

Thanks for your question and I have good news: It’s getting better.

The queer community is becoming more accepting of differences. As the transgendered community is gaining more exposure, becoming more open and more comfortable, the bisexual community is becoming more understood. As a result, women who may have felt intimidated or threatened by bisexual women are feeling less scared.

There’s a common human response I’ve discussed before: If we don’t understand something, we fear it. Each individual responds to that fear differently by either shutting down, disconnecting or avoiding it.

In the past, bisexual women haven’t felt very welcome within the larger lesbian community and it sounds like you’ve experienced that and that you’re having to justify your bisexuality by “choosing aside.”

My advice? Continue to feel confident in who you are. Continue to be proud of it and use your confidence to educate people and help them understand what it means to you. While that might seem annoying, I encourage you to look at it from a different perspective: You are a confident, successful, happily bisexual woman and you have the opportunity to allay someone’s fear. To provide them with a positive experience that they will remember. Think of yourself as a bisexual fear slasher! A kind of bisexual femme superhero. For every woman you educate, you break one feeling of fear and free one more mind from generalizations! Thanks again for asking and taking care.

Dr Frankie