You need to smell good when you first meet that new lady love.

A question that I’m sure we’ve all asked ourselves at one time or another! Whether it be in a good or bad context, let’s face it, smell is everything! I’m doing a senses series, bringing you the best of taste, sound, sight and of course touch!

Deny it all you want, but how many times have you wrinkled your nose in disgust at the taxi driver’s B.O., wound down the window and stuck your head out like a Labrador at the beach? Or better yet have you ever had a person with questionable attractiveness walk past and once you caught a whiff of their scent experienced a surge in hotness points? Or has that only happened to me? C’mon you’ve seen the Lynx ads!

Whether pleasant or unpleasant the smell of a person is imperative in not only forging a first impression but also maintaining interest.

You also need to smell fresh as a daisy everywhere whenever you see her after that, and I mean everywhere! God forbid the lady is performing the ever sacred going down dance and doesn’t like what she sniffs! My advice ladies, the sacred lotus flower is never going to smell like roses so breathe through your mouths!

Every person has their individual smell. It is impossible for us to smell exactly the same as another person. Your individual smell is not only made up of the array of chemicals swimming around your body and excreting onto your skin. No no, it’s much more than that! Your smell is a mix of the products that you apply to your body from you daily application of Femme Fresh to your final spray of Giorgio Armani or Britney’s Fantasy as you walk out the door.

So lets talk about general smell.

I shouldn’t need to say this, but I will, it’s all about hygiene ladies! I’m not just talking about your lady parts! I’m talking everywhere. Your signature smell starts to develop at shower time when you wash yourself with whatever fragrance your soap features. So not only are you right then and there getting rid of the smell of the sweaty one night stand you had the night before, but you are also adding the first layer of your individual aroma! Yay! No more baby prostitute smell and individualising! Way to multitask!

Now, what about your post shower regime? Now I feel I must remind you that you should be moisturising daily, face and body moisturisers to keep your face looking and feeling baby smooth so that you at least look as young as the baby dyke you’re trying to pick up! Even the hypoallergenic creams have scents! Hence, application of scent layer No. 2.

And what about your deodorant? Are you a roll on girl or an aerosol lady? Do you prefer women’s or men’s deodorant? All of these individual choices make you smell like you! I personally, prefer to wear men’s deodorant and women’s perfume, don’t ask me why, there’s just something about the smell of lynx that perks me up in the morning!

So then you add you hair gel, hair spray, even your makeup and chap stick, all of these things have a scent and make you you.

Yes we are getting there…

Beef Curtains are not named as such because they are supposed to smell like a back street butcher’s shop! Keep your lady parts clean and smelling lemony fresh because if your bedroom friend has to hold her breath whilst going down on you, she will pass out between your legs and nobody wants an unconscious bitch holding up traffic at the entrance of their love tunnel. So keep things clean down there, especially when it’s that time of the month!

So ladies keep it clean, shower daily and make sure you brush your teeth! Nobody wants to be kissing last night’s ashtray mouth in the morning!