We decided to straight into our next attempt, even though we were stressed with moving, Amber only working casual with a mortgage and still not falling pregnant with bills piling up. The world of fertility sucks you in like a horrible addiction. We have joked that this is in fact our very expensive gambling addiction.

On 22/7/2010 began treatment cycle number 4! The first blood test was on Thursday 22/7, followed by more on 25/7, 28/7 and 29/7. As I have mentioned before this is to check Amber’s blood to see when she is ovulating so that the insemination is done at the perfect time. In this cycle, they also did an ultrasound on day 17 (29/7). They did this to see how many eggs were being produced (if any). Going by the notes I have they found it difficult to see on the left side and they couldn’t quite see any clear on the right side.

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend this insemination and honestly can’t remember if Amber went in alone or had someone with her. There have been a couple of occasions where the family have gone along in my place and also times because of work she has had to go in on her own.

I was excited though because this was cycle #4 and well number 4 is my softball number, my lucky number! That’s got to mean she will definitely get pregnant this time!!

On the day the sperm count was a little lower this time, around only 6 million (compared to 17 million the previous attempt). This insemination was done earlier in the morning at 9:30 am. Amber was again given progesterone to insert every night after the insemination to thicken the lining of her uterus to make it a comfortable environment for a nice little egg to implant itself onto.

The next two weeks are the worst. Everything becomes a sign of pregnancy…not feeling well, migraine, cramping etc. I can’t remember the exact details of if Amber was at work with me this day or not but on the 18th of August Amber would have had a blood test for a pregnancy test, around 2 pm is usually when we get the call from Concept. Again we had the ‘I am sorry’ phone call. I feel sorry for the poor ladies who have to give those calls out every day to people who desperately want a child.

It was around this month that we were starting to feel really low about it all. Why was it becoming so difficult? We just want to get pregnant, we are not horrible people! Both of my sisters were also pregnant. One was due in October and my sister-in-law was due in December. We thought it would be so cool to fall pregnant soon so they would all be in the same year at school! It was becoming hard to see them getting bigger and more pregnant. I wasn’t jealous but desperately wanted the same for Amber.

We gave ourselves a month off and around a month earlier we had got our little fur baby Ruby.

It was strange having a little puppy in our new house. She settled well into our little family and is in fact sitting right next to me now – paw on my leg as I type on the laptop. She gave us something to love and focus on that wasn’t baby or house related.

We decided that we were ready for another try after the month off and day one of Amber’s period starts with a phone call to Concept to let them know it was day one and to double-check when to start blood tests and medications if there are any. After having 4 unsuccessful attempts we had become quite frustrated and Amber had pretty much demanded we used the drug Clomid (she had used this the first time we became pregnant). Clomid is used to stimulate egg growth.

Amber started on the Clomid on day 2 and had to take the tablets each day until she reached day 6. She had blood tests to check everything on 18/9, 20/9, 21/9, 22/9. On day 12 she was asked to come in for an ultrasound again to see how many eggs she had produced on the medication. We were left deflated when we found out there was only one egg. The day after the ultrasound she was required to have a shot of Ovidrel, which is used to trigger the release of mature eggs from Ambers ovaries.

I should also mention that in the middle of this cycle I was so honoured to witness the birth of my beautiful nephew. It was one of the most amazing things I had ever seen in my life. It also made me want to become a mum even more!

When my little nephew was only 3 days old, his Aunty Amber went in for insemination #5 at Concept. I was again at work that day. I have a feeling that Amber also came into work that day, by now Amber had been working mostly at the daycare centre.

The sperm count the day (24/9/10) was only 5 million. The lady doing the procedure we had a couple of times and Amber felt completely at ease with her, she became one of our favourites. Again Amber went through the same old procedure that she was well and truly used to by now. Knees up, light shining her way…. I am sure you don’t need to know every detail. Then sitting there for 15 minutes after the procedure, then you can take yourself out.

Again after two weeks of ‘oh this could mean something good’ moments Amber went in for that blood test. Friday the 8th October 2010 we found out once again we were not pregnant. Amber was at work for the news and came into my room crying. Thankfully the ladies are very supportive and give us both some time together to process the information. I am also so lucky to look after some amazing children that give us the best cuddles in the world.

After 5 unsuccessful attempts, we were getting quite frustrated. Amber had made an appointment to see Dr W see what was happening. The wait for an appointment is usually around two months. We made an appointment and decided we wouldn’t have any more tries until we had spoken to the doctor. This meant no more attempts until at least the end of November 2010.