How do you consolidate your faith as a Christian and your lifestyle as a lesbian?

There’s a question that I get every once in a while regarding my sexuality and my faith as a Christian: “How do you deal with the fact the Bible condemns homosexuality?” The answer to this question for me seems simple, but I think it requires a bit of explanation.

It is admittedly partially because of my faith that I remained deep in the closet until I was in my mid-30s. I think it warrants discussion to point out that this is far from the only reason. I was emotionally abused by my mother, physically and sexually abused by my boyfriend, and was overall held under various people’s thumbs. I finally wiggled out from under all of this oppressive abuse in my early 20s. I’ve been trying to reclaim myself ever since.

In terms of my faith, it would also be a disservice to say that my previous belief homosexuality was a sin didn’t play a tremendously significant role in my repression. It was shortly after my abusive relationship (of three years) that I accepted Christ. The work of keeping down my sexuality that had been begun by my mother and boyfriend was then cemented by well-intentioned Christian mentors.

One thing I will say about all of this is that, despite my choice to avoid contact with women on the grounds of sinfulness, I never once felt God hated me. I remember I always used to say, “I think God can handle who I am. My sexuality isn’t too big for Him.” I did, however, cling doggedly to the idea homosexuality was admonished. I just consoled myself with the confidence God loved me and could use me for His glory, anyway.

Only recently, with hesitation, have I opened my ears and heart to the idea that the statement “Homosexuality is a sin” might be an incorrect interpretation of the Bible. As resistant as I was to the idea (ingrained values are hard to challenge), I found much of what I read made sense.

I have come to a place in my life where I cannot fathom a world in which something as beautiful and true as my love for my partner is anything but holy. Indeed, she represents all things holy and true to me. I have every intention of living the kind of life in marriage with her that I feel God calls me to. I know this idea is repulsive to some. This doesn’t change my resolve in God’s love and faithfulness.

I feel confident, even if I’m wrong and God does find homosexuality sinful, that my sins are not too great for God’s love. I am beautifully me. As we say, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.