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This month: Sex, gossip and politics—everything your momma told you not to talk about in public.

Putting Your Best Face Forward

The ads haven’t run yet, but if you’ve heard the rumours, it’s true: Ellen DeGeneres is the next face of Cover Girl cosmetics. Move over, Queen Latifah. Here’s the newest easy, breezy, beautiful icon.

Not Just Gossip

Not everyone is happy that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have confirmed their relationship. Lohan’s imprisoned father, Michael, who disapproves of the pairing, went on the record after the announcement, calling Ronson a “dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity” in an email to the photo agency X17. “Have you ever seen her apartment?” he wrote. “For God’s sake, when she runs out of toilet paper she tells people to use the cardboard roll.”

Lohan stood up for her woman, telling the New York Post, “My father obviously needs to be on medication to control his moods,” and subsequently filing a restraining order against him.

Now that’s going to make for one awkward family reunion.

The Fairer Sex

There was really only one reason to watch the movie Transformers when it was released: Megan Fox. But now, as revealed in a detailed GQ interview, there’s a whole lot more to her.

At 18, Fox had a crush on a woman. “I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop,” the 22-year-old actor said. “I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita,” who performed “these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads.” For Fox, trying to create a relationship involved wooing her with small gifts and encouraging her to ditch the pole.

Alas, her infatuation proved short-lived: Fox, who’s engaged to ex 90210 stars Brian Austin Green, doesn’t consider herself gay. However, that’s not going to stop her from admiring the fairer sex: “I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes,” she says. “And lately I’ve been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but…oh boy.”

Oh boy, indeed.

State of the Union

Millions of lesbians cried when Sen. Hillary Clinton didn’t make the ’08 ticket, but they cringed when Gov. Sarah Palin, a woman who reportedly attempted to ban gay books in the Wasilla, Ala., public library, did. But some of you may have been wondering, where was ondi?

A Republican National Committee source close to the vice-presidential selection process told investigative journalist Ian Halperin that after Obama picked Biden over Clinton as his running mate, the Republican party became even more determined to have a woman on their side. Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was one of the obvious choices—except her chances were dashed by lesbian rumours about her and girlfriend Randy Bean, with whom Rice shares homeownership and a bank account.

Motherly Love

In an interview on The Early Show, Lynne Cheney, wife of Vice President Dick Cheney, was asked about her feelings about the possibility that her lesbian daughter, Mary, might marry longtime girlfriend, Heather Poe, while same-sex marriage was legal (briefly) in California.
“Well, I would wish my daughter to have happiness and the freedom to make her own choices,” Cheney replied matter-of-factly. “The vice president said in the debate with Joe Lieberman, ever so long ago in 2000, that freedom in this country ought to mean freedom for everyone.”

Amen.