Shave where the sun doesn’t shine.

Well, I am going to Cancun with the gay boys from Atlantis events. I love working for the Gay boys but find I get really horny around them because they are all exuding such sexuality.

I have to be careful what I say so as not to arouse their sexuality. For example, I went to order a deli sandwich at the buffet and the attendant asked me what I wanted on it and I said everything – well he hands me this burrito wrap that was huge and I said “Oh my, I don’t even think I am going to be able to get my mouth around that.”  Well, the gay boys flocked around to see what I was referring to.

Cancun is going to be lovely. I love the sunshine and tropic atmosphere. But being a very fair-skinned WASP from New England, I’ll bring lots of SPF sunblock.  Please I now know Melanoma is not a dance.  (Sung to the tune of Macarena)

“She likes to lie on the beach getting sun tan, she like lie on the beach in the hot sand – what’s that thing on your face on your left hand, Hey Melanoma.”

Plus I have to shave the crotch-a-rotcha. Well, yeah I got to. I don’t want to be out on the beach and have it look like I have a tarantula crawling down my leg. So I use the Nair, it is so full of chemicals you simply must time it perfectly and get it off in 5 minutes; you could slip and burn your clit right off. You will be smooth down there. You could spend the summer hanging out with Barbie and Ken at the Malibu dream house.

Some folks wax the area. I don’t think I could do that or let someone else do that to me.  Pour hot wax on the crotch and rip it off? No – and  – some people go all the way. I mean all the way around to the back door and wax back there. Yeowsa.

If you put hot wax in my bung-holio – I think I would like you to leave it there. It might feel kinda yummy- all soft and warm. Hey if you are putting hot wax in my ass, you might as well put a wick in there and let me be a human floating candle. I’m ambience.

I thought about inventing the snap-on bush. Snap it on, go to the beach, swim, come home, snap it off, wash it out in the sink, flip it over the shower curtain. Simple and easy. But if the dog gets a hold of that – it’s gone and buried out in the yard. The neighbours will be calling you; “Hello, I think your dog has a squirrel or something out in the yard.” You would have to say – “Oh no, that’s my beaver.”